CoronaVirus: Gallows humour [funnies]

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CoronaVirus: Gallows humour [funnies]

Postby The Old TomCat » Sun Mar 15, 2020 9:38 am

At every time of doom people resort to humour to cope with their circumstances.
There have already been Corona jokes on Facebook.
So lets start a thread here with some of the best.
Obviously those with a nervous disposition please don't continue reading this thread.

This one I received in an email and yes it made me laugh out loud:
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=co ... 3D41A812CE
Last edited by The Old TomCat on Wed Mar 25, 2020 1:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby The Old TomCat » Sun Mar 15, 2020 10:12 am

My mate Dave has bulk purchased seven brand new cars this week, one for every day he says.
Personally I just think he’s caught this new car owner virus.


Meanwhile in other news, Snow White is down to six dwarfs. Apparently Sneezy is in quarantine.
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby The Old TomCat » Tue Mar 17, 2020 11:36 am

9 months from now there will be a baby boom.
13 years later will give rise to the next generation, known as:

Quarenteens. ;)
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby Funfly » Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:39 pm

Up here, with the shortage of Andrex, some people are using lettuce leaves!
It’s just the tip of the iceberg.
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby paulK » Tue Mar 17, 2020 5:14 pm

Newspaper headlines have been reporting that the NHS will be treating 8 million in their hospitals. From a "secret report", of course.

That surely must be gallows humour, given the number of beds in the NHS is reported as a little under 150K beds :roll:

Anything to sell newspapers, I guess
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby Tommo » Tue Mar 17, 2020 5:28 pm

paulK wrote:Newspaper headlines have been reporting that the NHS will be treating 8 million in their hospitals. From a "secret report", of course.

That surely must be gallows humour, given the number of beds in the NHS is reported as a little under 150K beds :roll:

Anything to sell newspapers, I guess


I believe that some NHS Trusts are looking at taking over nearby hotels. The 8million figure is in a Government report (their worst case scenario) and relates to the period up to Spring net year. Hopefully it will be a lot less and, of course, not all at once over the next year.
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby The Old TomCat » Tue Mar 17, 2020 8:22 pm

As see on the CNN John Travolta was hospitalised for a suspected Coronavirus.
But doctors soon realised that it was only a Saturday Night Fever and he will be Staying Alive.
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby The Old TomCat » Tue Mar 17, 2020 8:25 pm

The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19.
Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=Ba ... M%3DHDRSC3
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby paulK » Tue Mar 17, 2020 9:18 pm

Tommo wrote:
paulK wrote:Newspaper headlines have been reporting that the NHS will be treating 8 million in their hospitals. From a "secret report", of course.

That surely must be gallows humour, given the number of beds in the NHS is reported as a little under 150K beds :roll:

Anything to sell newspapers, I guess


I believe that some NHS Trusts are looking at taking over nearby hotels. The 8million figure is in a Government report (their worst case scenario) and relates to the period up to Spring net year. Hopefully it will be a lot less and, of course, not all at once over the next year.


I am aware of what you are saying but beds in hotels are not beds in hospitals. Worst case scenario is everyone getting it and no vaccines or whatever so that people get it again (and again?), I would suggest?
My mileage; yours may vary, of course.....
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby paulK » Wed Mar 18, 2020 2:36 am

OTC is so much better at this than I. However.

It fascinates me how people come up with all these stats and projections. I read this from the journal of the Centers (sic) for Diseaase Control and Prevention.

We estimated model parameters by using a Markov chain Monte Carlo method in a Bayesian framework. We estimated posterior distributions of the model parameters by sampling from the 3 Markov chains. For each chain, we drew 100,000 samples from the posterior distribution after a burn-in of 20,000 iterations. We evaluated convergence of Markov chain Monte Carlo chains by using the potential scale reduction statistic. Estimates and 95% credibility intervals (CrIs) for these estimates are based on the posterior probability distribution of each parameter and based on the samples drawn from the posterior distributions. All statistical analyses were conducted in R version 3.6.1 (R Foundation for Statistical Computing, https://www.r-project.orgExternal Link) using the rstan package.

I was wondering whether posterior%20distributions was anything to do with emissions from a certain part of the body. Perhaps as in talking out of one's.
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby paulK » Wed Mar 18, 2020 7:22 pm

Food for Thought?

If you need 244 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably shouldn't be waiting for COVID-19 before you see a doctor.

Every great disaster movie starts with a Government ignoring a Scientist

Child: Hey mum, when's this coronavirus thing gonna' be over?
Mum: Just shut up and eat your toilet paper.
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby paulK » Wed Mar 18, 2020 7:32 pm

Image
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby Chrisgump11 » Thu Mar 19, 2020 12:50 pm

I recommend the Private Eye front page: "48 SHEETS OF TOILET PAPER FREE WITH THIS ISSUE"
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallow's humour

Postby Freddy » Thu Mar 19, 2020 3:25 pm

I see the government has given us all a bank holiday so we can practise isolating for a day. Friday 8th May will be known as VE day (Virus in Europe Day).
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallows humour

Postby dove » Fri Mar 20, 2020 11:58 pm

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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallows humour

Postby Too occasional fan » Sat Mar 21, 2020 12:00 am

Coronavirus.

It's not as bad as Brexit.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/p ... 95476.html
The gimlet of the forum.
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallows humour

Postby The Old TomCat » Mon Mar 23, 2020 4:19 pm

Meanwhile Germany is now advising people to stock up on sausages & cheese. This is known as the Wurst Käse scenario.
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallows humour

Postby Fartvs Antiqvvs » Mon Mar 23, 2020 6:49 pm

And what is the link between Canute and the Beatles, regarding this topic, anyone?

(It's the wine o'Clock to steady my ship here). ;)
Quo tendimus?

Nos venit!
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallows humour

Postby Greeners » Mon Mar 23, 2020 8:13 pm

'Breaking News: Diane Abbott just called for the BBC to stop filming Casualty and Holby City in order to allow the staff to help out with the Coronavirus outbreak...'
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Re: CoronaVirus: Gallows humour [funnies]

Postby The Old TomCat » Wed Mar 25, 2020 5:29 pm

My dad told me I'd achieve nothing by staying in bed all day.
But look at me now, I'm saving the world :)
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